When I think of all the things I want to do, I feel physically sick. There’s so much! Here is a list…
Live show. EP. Album. Album with collaborator No.1. Album with collaborator No.2. Ukulele Vocal group. Produce a 90 minute film. Produce a festival. Produce a charity event. Run my Choir. Produce a TV show with Stephen Fry. Learn French. Dance. Get better at all of the above.
Last night I wrote my ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ list, which I tend to write yearly around the time of my birthday. I normally write it and then see if I can whittle it down. This year the only thing I managed to cross off the list was ‘Learn to play the Violin’. Perhaps the fact that I am 30 now has something to do with my inability to whittle.
I’m 30. Im an adult. I dont feel like one. Adults have responsibilities and I don’t have any of those so I don’t think I am actually an adult. I know lots of 30 year olds that do have responsibilities and I definitely class them as adults, amazings ones at that, but not me. I am not in that demographic.
At the moment my entire ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ list looks completely achievable. I mean, it made me feel sick but it was that kind of ‘oh shit, Ive got a lot of big stuff to do, better get cracking’ sick, not, ‘too late, Im already 30′ sick. And that, in itself is the scary part. Am I lucky that I have the time and am selfish enough to want to achieve all of these things? Or am I just a kid that needs to grow up, go out into the real world and earn some money?
I suppose it boils down to what you feel is important in life. Yes I want to earn money, settle down and have a family, own a house and a dog and put my everything into the happiness of my darling husband and 5 children, but there is no way I am going to be able to do that until I get all of the above done. I’m definitely putting myself first here, i realise this, but having already achieved one of my goals, I know from experience that I am not one of those people who can put their aspirations aside. They are there, established and true, and they need to get done or I simply wont be happy. I don’t think that’s selfish. I think that’s responsible. Perhaps I am an adult after all.
So, I guess what I am saying is, for all those 30 something year olds that feel old, allow me to remind you how old both of this years Wimbledon champions are and encourage you to take this decade by the horns and spank it.